Good day to you, dear readers! Thank you for your attention and for staying here with me. Today I want to share with you my thoughts on how the schizoid personality type builds relationships. We will talk about how these very deep, self-absorbed people get into relationships. Thoughts are triggered by personal experience and customer experience.
In order not to scare you with specific words and terms, I will first tell you a little about this process.
Schizoid process (or otherwise a schizoid personality) has nothing to do with a consonant disease. This is a personality trait of a mentally healthy person. A feature of this process is the sensitivity to contact with its borders.
Schizoid personality - This person is often very withdrawn, self-absorbed and intelligent. Often, schizoid people go into deep thoughts about themselves, about the world, about people around. They are much calmer in solitude. The schizoid personality type is very selective in trust and therefore very true. In addition, these are people who are creative, creative, dreamy. They are rarely bored with them, although they are sure of the opposite. It’s easy to be yourself with them and it's nice to slow down.
This is a good half of my clients. Of the schizoid appeals, loneliness, communication problems, isolation and psychosomatic diseases are most often encountered. See? Nothing wrong.
Problem in a Schizoid Human Relationship
So, what am I doing. One of the most acute and painful problems in the world of the schizoid process is relationships. The difficulty is that such people need a little more time to get closer. If rapprochement is necessary, schizoids usually collect their will in a fist and dive into the pool with their heads. For example, great sympathy or family ties. In order not to miss the chance, not to lose a person. The contrast in relation to the object of sympathy can be very surprising. But this is not insanity, it is indifference.
Such an effort of will usually costs self-absorbed personalities of strength and courage. After all, in the end they need to get out of the bunker and remove their bulletproof vest. There is nothing funny about this metaphor. The sense of security is usually very unstable and is due to the "efforts" of people in the past.
However, for a schizoid, relationships are also an important need. And it’s not easy to be on such a road. The problem in building relationships is that in the desire not to be alone, a man drives himself into a relationship. But there is no strength left to keep this contact. Therefore, it is so difficult for a schizoid person to build close relationships and it is even more difficult to break them.
Why is this happening?
My version does not differ from the opinions of colleagues.
I think that taking care of yourself, building an internal safe place and caution in contacts is protection. This is a sad consequence of prolonged dissatisfaction with basic human needs. In safety, in relationships and in self-determination.
If you delve a little deeper into this topic - then the point is this:
For years, our borders are not respected, violated when they invade personal space (physical and emotional) ... And nothing can be done ... Then we have nothing left but go deep into yourself and just get away from contact. First, we do this in a relationship with a specific person. For example, a mother who was aggressive or vice versa, too invaded space with care. Then, when attempts to stop lawlessness do not work, we go even deeper and the mechanism takes root. He begins to work with other people, protecting us from the intrusion in advance.
So broken security need.
Relationship need (in contact with another person) is the foundation of our healthy sociality. A schizoid person often suffered from a lack of normal relationship experience. Such an experience when they were in healthy and safe contact with him. As a result, I had to fantasize about how this normal contact might look like. So, a schizoid person can lose dialogs, communication scenes in consciousness. Or scroll through the dialogues that have already taken place in search of what could be done or said differently. Fantasizing often plays a very cruel joke with a schizoid relationship. He relies on them (fantasies are rarely positive) and often decides not to try, fearing an unfavorable outcome.
The need for self-determination it’s easier to describe how the need to be yourself. For each of us in a relationship, it is important to be able to not meet expectations. In other words, not to be someone else. When for many years a person tries to please loved ones, sacrificing himself - he has to push himself deep inside. And even with a great desire to be close and trust, getting yourself real is scary. After all, one may encounter the usual condemnation / neglect / disregard, or no better - condescension.
What to do?
The most effective way to build relationships in this case is to slow down. You need to give yourself time to form a natural attachment.
Basically, there are two extremes. Either the schizoid person does not go for rapprochement at all, or he forces himself to make a sudden and desperate attempt to get closer. The result is loneliness and suffering.
Feel your pace
It is important, and even necessary, to give yourself time to get closer and move at your own pace. At this time, it is not necessary to be completely passive. But you can choose a measure of convergence that is comfortable for yourself and take steps forward. This will not cause the usual pain of “walking on the glass.” And it will give another person the opportunity to satisfy another important need for a relationship - need for initiative from another.
Feel your boundaries
Another important skill worth learning is consistency in making decisions of “feelings and sensations - thoughts - actions”. First, we listen to our feelings next to the person. We understand our feelings towards him. If the sensations are pleasant and the feelings are positively colored, we begin to think about what measure of rapprochement will be comfortable now. Give yourself time to think. Allow yourself to see the options. When this stage has been completed - take actions that will be a step towards. But a step of the length that you can now afford.
These two simple rules will help you not to fly into relationships out of fear. As a result, ВYou can enter them as if in warm sea water - comfortably, calmly and pleasantly.
How does it work in a relationship? First of all, you don’t spend so much energy on compulsory trust - you feel more confident and comfortable. This means that this is exactly how a person feels who has received this unique right to enter a close circle of a schizoid personality. Such a feeling in relationships makes them important and understandable.
If what is written here responds to you and you see the value in this information for yourself - share the note with others :-)
If you want to work with your schizoid part, sign up for therapy.
I love and know how to work with the depth of the schizoid process!