Even the warmest relations sooner or later go through the stage of crisis. At this stage, the one without whom life is unbearable becomes a stranger and not like that. Feelings that used to flood and make you swim in the warm waves of joy become as if dulled. At this stage of the relationship, it usually becomes incomprehensible, strange, and scary. Is love gone?
Today we will discuss what is happening and how to be.
As stated above crisis - normal stage of relationship. In total, seven stages are distinguished by psychologists. And for each normal, if not mandatory, certain processes and feelings.
The main stages of the relationship
The first stage is love
It can be described as short-term euphoria or “candy-bouquet period”. The intensity of emotion at this stage is very high. The key ones are joy, sadness, surprise, tenderness. Moreover, if joy or surprise, then almost delight, if sadness, then universal, if tenderness - then almost maternal. Very strong feelings!
At the stage of falling in love, idealization most often occurs. The partner seems ideal, as if "stuck together" for our individual order for a lot of money. It seems incomprehensible how you could have been with someone else before, because here it is, the ideal! Love is usually accompanied by sexual attraction, long-playing plans and vows of eternal love and fidelity. But a year passes (sometimes less) and harsh reality sets in ...
The second stage
Reality comes to a lover in the form of a second normal stage of a relationship - satiety. From the name, the essence is clear. Even the most delicious and favorite dish is boring if you eat it seven days a week and 24 hours a day. True?
That's the same in a relationship. An ideal partner after a long examination becomes, to put it mildly, real. Here he has his drawbacks. And he eats ugly and is late for dates ...
Emotions here subside almost everything, except perhaps sadness. Yes, and sadness passes from the category of sadness in love to sadness about past love. I want to return a bright feeling, but it does not work out.
Third Stage - Rejection
When reality becomes not only noticeable, but also tangible, the stage of rejection begins. Here the remnants of tolerance are destroyed and it is precisely the rejection that remains.
It is connected with the fact that there are no forces to hold onto the pink glasses, which still remain at the stage of satiation. And only one thing remains - the harsh reality in the form of a whole set of shortcomings, previously ignored. The normal thing in this case is conflicts and proceedings. The main thing is to understand that this is a stage. And that means it will pass.
At this stage, two development paths are possible: either the couple breaks up and goes through all these circles of relationships later and not with each other, or they go through these obstacles and move on together.
If a couple with patience and wisdom goes through the stage of rejection, they move to a new level. At the stage of tolerance. On it such an expected special acceptance comes into the relationship.
How to rain outside the window. There is some rain and inconvenience. But you always have a choice - stay at home, take an umbrella or love the rain.
The same attitude is also developed for the partner’s shortcomings. Here, conflicts give way to compromises and life becomes easier, life becomes more fun.
The next stage in the development of relationships is the stage ministries. This ministry has nothing to do with the kind of karmic purpose.
Serving in a relationship involves a deeper level of partner acceptance. New, fresh interest in another person. This stage is similar to falling in love, with the only difference being that acceptance extends not only to virtues. So, if you are at the sad stage of satiety - be patient, feelings will return, you just have to wait with wisdom.
A little later, the time of the sixth stage comes - mutual respect. Here an important role is played by the separation of the qualities of a person and his personality. Respect is the acceptance and respect of a person outside his qualities, as an integral personality. This is a feeling of unconditional acceptance. “I love you because you exist” is the feeling that is characteristic of this stage.
Stage of true love
A couple who had the courage, wisdom and patience to live the previous stages, simply has no other choice but to go to the seventh phase - true love.
At the stage of true love, acceptance is truly unconditional, feelings are deep and strong. True love builds relationships (family, partnership) in the highest value.
Experiencing crisis times
As is clear from the above, the most critical stages are satiety, rejection and service.
Why? Because at each of these stages, feelings are tested by reality. And this, believe me, is the most difficult test in life.
If your relationship is undergoing a crisis - try following my recommendations - it will become easier:
- understand for yourself what is the value of this relationship for you, why is it important for you to save them;
- give each other time, place and opportunity to get bored. Seriously, don't try to regain interest and feelings. staying close to each other - so you will be more angry and sad;
- do not conserve in a relationship, life is not limited to them. Develop, go to the cinema, to theaters, to exhibitions, to sporting events or to the mountains - whatever your heart desires!
- accept your feelings. You are angry? Good. Sad is not bad either. These are your feelings, evidence of the importance of relationships and people. After all, the worst thing is the onset of indifference;
- accept partner feelings, even if it’s very difficult. Allow the partner to be offended, angry, depressed. After all, he also faced the reality of your imperfection. You, too, are not diamond;
- look for common ground (only without fanaticism). Well, your young man loves football. And you go with him to the stadium (or even without it) - recharge the atmosphere. And there will be something to talk about, and diversity nevertheless;
- speak with each other about the frustrations you face. And listen about partner frustrations. It’s hard, but it’s the first step to understand, accept and love.
Remember that the stronger the relationship, the more obstacles you successfully passed together. The key word is together. Be separate, whole individuals, happy both together and separately. Then any crisis will be overcome with minimal casualties.
/ The article was published in the publication “Psychology and I” /